Thursday 6 May 2010
Wednesday 5 May 2010
Tuesday 4 May 2010
expectations
with expectations, you have hopes, aims. and with that, disappointment and happiness comes along too. The higher the expectations, the more the disappointment if you fail. so why still try? its because of the happiness from achieving that expectation. But, is it worth it? Expectations will never decrease, even if you fail to achieve it. It will simply increase, because if you fail something, you will expect to pass it in the future, giving you another expectation, while still having the previous expectation to achieve. *shakes head* this world is weird.
:\
To those who are married, .. Not married .. and
soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!
soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I
had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of
me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to
face the divorce, she said scornfully..
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we
both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to
the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in
my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about
the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I
held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not
want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have
a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on
our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and
wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I
run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend
and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a
real happy marriage!
Sunday 2 May 2010
START OF MAY
may. hell month? cause of exams?? nahhh. start of may wasnt half bad, in fact it was awesome. :)
xin krys ben vic chua liyana liza bazli.
wywy~ awesome. mwehehehhe.
xin krys ben vic chua liyana liza bazli.
wywy~ awesome. mwehehehhe.
Tuesday 27 April 2010
birthday
happy birthday to me :)
first time having bday in smsa, it was fun. many many many many greetings from people :D. HAHAHA. some i dont even know, greet saja! hantam ajee haha.
overall, it was a fun day. :)
pressys... thank you liyana carlton peilin june sj chichi tzin krys sally xin bry for my bday pressies.
they all mean alot to me. pics of my pressys? will post soon i hope. hehe.
special thanks to cynthia for singing my bday song in the ps area. hehe.
first time having bday in smsa, it was fun. many many many many greetings from people :D. HAHAHA. some i dont even know, greet saja! hantam ajee haha.
overall, it was a fun day. :)
pressys... thank you liyana carlton peilin june sj chichi tzin krys sally xin bry for my bday pressies.
they all mean alot to me. pics of my pressys? will post soon i hope. hehe.
special thanks to cynthia for singing my bday song in the ps area. hehe.
Thursday 22 April 2010
Monday 19 April 2010
Tuesday 13 April 2010
Beatrice’s Epitaph
my beloved hometown, the sweetfish river running through it.
You who seek the Golden Land, follow its path downstream and seek the key.
if you follow the river downstream, you will find a village.
in the village, look for the shore the two will tell you of.
there sleeps the key to the Golden Land.
he who lays hand upon the key shall travel under the rules below.
At the first twilight, you shall lift up as sacrifice the six chosen by the key.
At the second twilight, the surviving shall tear apart the two who are close.
At the third twilight, the surviving shall praise my honorable name on high.
At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill.
At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill.
At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill.
At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill.
At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.
At the ninth twilight, the Witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.
At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold.
the Witch will praise the wise, and should bestow four treasures.
One shall be, all the gold from the Golden Land.
One shall be, the resurrection of the souls of all the dead.
One shall be, even the resurrection of the lost love.
One shall be, to put the Witch to sleep for all time.
sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice.
my beloved hometown, the sweetfish river running through it.
You who seek the Golden Land, follow its path downstream and seek the key.
if you follow the river downstream, you will find a village.
in the village, look for the shore the two will tell you of.
there sleeps the key to the Golden Land.
he who lays hand upon the key shall travel under the rules below.
At the first twilight, you shall lift up as sacrifice the six chosen by the key.
At the second twilight, the surviving shall tear apart the two who are close.
At the third twilight, the surviving shall praise my honorable name on high.
At the fourth twilight, gouge the head and kill.
At the fifth twilight, gouge the chest and kill.
At the sixth twilight, gouge the stomach and kill.
At the seventh twilight, gouge the knee and kill.
At the eighth twilight, gouge the leg and kill.
At the ninth twilight, the Witch shall be revived and none shall be left alive.
At the tenth twilight, the journey shall end and you should reach the village of gold.
the Witch will praise the wise, and should bestow four treasures.
One shall be, all the gold from the Golden Land.
One shall be, the resurrection of the souls of all the dead.
One shall be, even the resurrection of the lost love.
One shall be, to put the Witch to sleep for all time.
sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice.
Monday 12 April 2010
Sigh. Probably too dumb or have a fucked up attitude to be a prefect.
Or maybe,
The teacher just didnt want to nominate anyone as a prefect. sigh. why cant he just run the class like other teachers, letting students vote?=\ why must he make the decisions based on his own opinion only. Why. Why. Why. WHY.
Is it because his decisions are perfect, with no flaws? And the opinions of students are rubbish? Complete and utter rubbish? Sigh. Welcome back, dissapointment.
Or maybe,
The teacher just didnt want to nominate anyone as a prefect. sigh. why cant he just run the class like other teachers, letting students vote?=\ why must he make the decisions based on his own opinion only. Why. Why. Why. WHY.
Is it because his decisions are perfect, with no flaws? And the opinions of students are rubbish? Complete and utter rubbish? Sigh. Welcome back, dissapointment.
Tuesday 30 March 2010
It's no secret that, for years, the pressures in a young person's life — academic responsibility, parental stress, social anxieties — have led many to injure themselves. What's disconcerting is that self-abuse is on the rise.
For many kids who cut themselves, the act serves as a form of control. In the midst of what feels like chaos, cutting allows some people to exercise power over one aspect of their lives, according to Luanne Southern, NMHA senior director of prevention and children's mental health services.
"I think that more kids are doing it, and we're recognizing it more than perhaps we did in the past," Southern said. "But I also think that there are some exacerbating factors. We all lead very busy lives. Parents are working; we have a lot on our plates. I think that we put a lot of stress and undue pressure on our young people."
This sentiment is echoed in the countless message boards dedicated to self-abuse. "I usually find myself doing it because I want all the thoughts in my head to stop," posted one member of a MySpace group for cutters. "They always put me down and made me upset, but during and after I cut, they all stop and go away and I can just relax for a bit."
Increased awareness is key. But finding a community that can comfort, inform and transform abusers is another matter. Many young people report feeling like they are burdening parents by talking about their problems when their folks are constantly busy with work and other stresses. Southern suggests that the perception that some teens have no support system may even contribute to the self-abuse cycle.
For many kids who cut themselves, the act serves as a form of control. In the midst of what feels like chaos, cutting allows some people to exercise power over one aspect of their lives, according to Luanne Southern, NMHA senior director of prevention and children's mental health services.
"I think that more kids are doing it, and we're recognizing it more than perhaps we did in the past," Southern said. "But I also think that there are some exacerbating factors. We all lead very busy lives. Parents are working; we have a lot on our plates. I think that we put a lot of stress and undue pressure on our young people."
This sentiment is echoed in the countless message boards dedicated to self-abuse. "I usually find myself doing it because I want all the thoughts in my head to stop," posted one member of a MySpace group for cutters. "They always put me down and made me upset, but during and after I cut, they all stop and go away and I can just relax for a bit."
Increased awareness is key. But finding a community that can comfort, inform and transform abusers is another matter. Many young people report feeling like they are burdening parents by talking about their problems when their folks are constantly busy with work and other stresses. Southern suggests that the perception that some teens have no support system may even contribute to the self-abuse cycle.
-
When a person suffers from these negative inner voices, they may eventually act out as a way to stop them. Sometimes, inflicting pain is a way for a person to counteract their negative feelings. Physical pain can serve as a substitute for emotional pain.
In this case, the person who self-harms may be a teen who has been told over and over that he is an awful person. Perhaps this person feels he deserves self-injury. As twisted as that thinking is, it is not uncommon for those who are abused to inflict abuse, even on themselves.
There are still other situations in which people who inflict injury on themselves are crying out for attention. Perhaps they suffer from depression or other grave emotional problems, but they do not know how to express themselves.
In conclusion, it may be difficult to imagine causing physical harm to yourself by inflicting injuries. If, however, you know someone who chooses to injure himself, try to understand that this behavior reflects some
serious problems.
You will probably want encourage this person to get professional help. Keep in mind, too, that those who cut themselves often do so in secret. If you suspect your child or another loved one is engaging in this behavior, try to get them to talk about it at all possible. As previously stated, it is likely a cry for help, and one that should not be ignored.
In this case, the person who self-harms may be a teen who has been told over and over that he is an awful person. Perhaps this person feels he deserves self-injury. As twisted as that thinking is, it is not uncommon for those who are abused to inflict abuse, even on themselves.
There are still other situations in which people who inflict injury on themselves are crying out for attention. Perhaps they suffer from depression or other grave emotional problems, but they do not know how to express themselves.
In conclusion, it may be difficult to imagine causing physical harm to yourself by inflicting injuries. If, however, you know someone who chooses to injure himself, try to understand that this behavior reflects some
serious problems.
You will probably want encourage this person to get professional help. Keep in mind, too, that those who cut themselves often do so in secret. If you suspect your child or another loved one is engaging in this behavior, try to get them to talk about it at all possible. As previously stated, it is likely a cry for help, and one that should not be ignored.
Hmm
Some consider it to be relieving or calming, especially with stress release or anxiety, since after experiencing pain, the body releases pain-killing chemicals (endorphins?) In my humble opinion, this is a much better alternative to taking drugs, even OTC drugs since it's all natural, or abusing alcohol or getting an eating disorder etc. etc. I would recommend excercise first, since it does basically the same thing w/o the risk of infection and leaving scars, but if you are going to cut, make sure you sterilize the blade first and clean the wound with antiseptic and all that. Try to cut in inconspicuous places since those scars will be there pretty much forever. At any rate, I think cutters aren't so much people who are depressed as those who tend to be affected by their environment and have high levels of anxiety or nervousness.
Stress release... that explains it all.
Stress release... that explains it all.
Friday 26 March 2010
HAHAHA
man, nomatter how you act, nomatter how much you hate me, i will blablabla. ngaww less than three haha. sorry for pissing you off, bu shi gu yi de. @_@ cya~
Saturday 13 March 2010
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Tuesday 16 February 2010
bleh
bleh, i guess my mesages arent really worth being replied by most people.
anyways, happy third day of chinese new year all ~.
anyways, happy third day of chinese new year all ~.
Saturday 13 February 2010
Saturday 6 February 2010
bleh. i am having a srs case of insomnia. :\ everything seems to be coming back to me, the events from before o levels till the day the results came out. god, happy and sad memories. it hurts. damn, i hate to say this, but i just cant let go. =\ i really cant. meh, if you still browse through my blog:
i still cant let go, i still miss you =X, ive been having dreams, and no, its not my fault, seriously =\.
i still cant let go, i still miss you =X, ive been having dreams, and no, its not my fault, seriously =\.
Monday 18 January 2010
Sunday 17 January 2010
Tuesday 12 January 2010
Monday 11 January 2010
Saturday 9 January 2010
Friday 8 January 2010
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